Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.
A few weeks ago, our intrepid, handsome, intelligent traveler headed to a bar with some friends. After a few bars and some pool and some music it was time to part company. Your favourite man (and hero of this story) headed up for a few more to bar a friend of his frequented.
Arriving at the 'Patio' restaurant the first thing to cross our hero's mind was 'we should have just walked, it is just round the corner', and that it was. The second thing that he thought of was that 'there was in fact no Patio, maybe it was round the back?' They headed in and ordered a couple of beers and sat down. Chatting as men do about life, work, home and fitba. The scene was set for a nice quiet and enjoyable evening that would be comparable to one at home.
Before I go any further with this story I must give you a clearer view of what the 'Patio' bar was like. Quite aside from there being no evident patio, there was in fact no outside (not in the great scheme of things obviously, but no beer garden or muddy bin enclosure is what I mean). The bar was split up into 7 or 8 booths, had a nice warm almost terracotta colour on the walls, and a good selection of whiskies and other spirits (uncommon in Korea). The booths were of a very private nature and did not allow for prying eyes to look in on what was happening within. This is classes as a 'business bar’; our hero imagined tough calls and negotiations going on in these booths, with the patrons wanting complete privacy.
Our hero sat with his Irish counterpart and talked (as men do: as already discussed) and the beers were brought over by a very attractive waitress. She proceeded to sit down with the two westerners and pour the drinks (not entirely uncommon, many serving staff like to practice their English with the foreigners). What was uncommon is that after she had poured the beers she stuck around and listened to their conversation. Not wanting to seem rude, our hero tried to get her involved and asked her a few non threatening questions:
"What's your name?"
"Where are you from?"
"Can you speak English?"
The sort of question that poses no problems to anyone. Unfortunately these questions would, and did, cause a problem to someone who does not speak English; she sat vacant eyed staring at our hero and calmly put her hand on his leg.
This didn't last very long at all; she sat stroking his knee for a while then got up (as if with a great idea) and hurried away. He asked his friend what was going on and he said "It's a business bar" as if that would clear everything up.
She promptly returned with a Korean to English phrase book. She opened the pages, seemingly at random and asked some questions, first (slowly but surely) was:
"What time do you come from?" Our hero's cover was almost certainly blown, she knew that he was the Doctor! Luckily it was not the case, she asked again, in the same stilted questioning tone:
"What time do you come here?" He looked blankly and explained to her in pigeon Korean that he had arrived in October. Next up was to push the senses to the limit and offer a multitude of continuing conversations. She said:
"Where are you from?" Our hero readily spat out SCOT-A-LAND and asked if she knew Braveheart, Sean Connery or Chick Murray. She did not, but after searching in her book for a couple of minutes she said:
"Sightseeing!" Not a question, a statement and it had to be true. Our hero and his compadre burst out laughing at what the hell was going on in her head. She said it again "Sightseeing!!" With more force this time and started clapping her hands. Well she was having fun and who were they to stop it?
It turns out that a 'business bar' is a place that lonely men or groups of men go to so that they can get attention from pretty girls. The girls are paid to sit with them and offer conversation and pour their drinks and get them anything from the bar that they want. This girl sat for the rest of the evening stroking the leg and arm of our hero, being very affectionate indeed.
As he sat there wondering how much she hated her job, he flicked through the pages of her phrase book. Unsurprisingly enough it contained the usual phrases and hints about how to get about town, buy food, and find out where the nearest.....whatever is. It also had what to do when you are being mugged. Complete with lines like "Stick em up" and "Give me all your money" and, amazingly, "One move and you die". This book seemed to look after the reader in every circumstance and cover every eventuality.
It seems that 'The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy' is not the fiction that it once seemed. Although currently only available in Korean, this book (if properly marketed) could be an international bestseller for decades to come.
Arriving at the 'Patio' restaurant the first thing to cross our hero's mind was 'we should have just walked, it is just round the corner', and that it was. The second thing that he thought of was that 'there was in fact no Patio, maybe it was round the back?' They headed in and ordered a couple of beers and sat down. Chatting as men do about life, work, home and fitba. The scene was set for a nice quiet and enjoyable evening that would be comparable to one at home.
Before I go any further with this story I must give you a clearer view of what the 'Patio' bar was like. Quite aside from there being no evident patio, there was in fact no outside (not in the great scheme of things obviously, but no beer garden or muddy bin enclosure is what I mean). The bar was split up into 7 or 8 booths, had a nice warm almost terracotta colour on the walls, and a good selection of whiskies and other spirits (uncommon in Korea). The booths were of a very private nature and did not allow for prying eyes to look in on what was happening within. This is classes as a 'business bar’; our hero imagined tough calls and negotiations going on in these booths, with the patrons wanting complete privacy.
Our hero sat with his Irish counterpart and talked (as men do: as already discussed) and the beers were brought over by a very attractive waitress. She proceeded to sit down with the two westerners and pour the drinks (not entirely uncommon, many serving staff like to practice their English with the foreigners). What was uncommon is that after she had poured the beers she stuck around and listened to their conversation. Not wanting to seem rude, our hero tried to get her involved and asked her a few non threatening questions:
"What's your name?"
"Where are you from?"
"Can you speak English?"
The sort of question that poses no problems to anyone. Unfortunately these questions would, and did, cause a problem to someone who does not speak English; she sat vacant eyed staring at our hero and calmly put her hand on his leg.
This didn't last very long at all; she sat stroking his knee for a while then got up (as if with a great idea) and hurried away. He asked his friend what was going on and he said "It's a business bar" as if that would clear everything up.
She promptly returned with a Korean to English phrase book. She opened the pages, seemingly at random and asked some questions, first (slowly but surely) was:
"What time do you come from?" Our hero's cover was almost certainly blown, she knew that he was the Doctor! Luckily it was not the case, she asked again, in the same stilted questioning tone:
"What time do you come here?" He looked blankly and explained to her in pigeon Korean that he had arrived in October. Next up was to push the senses to the limit and offer a multitude of continuing conversations. She said:
"Where are you from?" Our hero readily spat out SCOT-A-LAND and asked if she knew Braveheart, Sean Connery or Chick Murray. She did not, but after searching in her book for a couple of minutes she said:
"Sightseeing!" Not a question, a statement and it had to be true. Our hero and his compadre burst out laughing at what the hell was going on in her head. She said it again "Sightseeing!!" With more force this time and started clapping her hands. Well she was having fun and who were they to stop it?
It turns out that a 'business bar' is a place that lonely men or groups of men go to so that they can get attention from pretty girls. The girls are paid to sit with them and offer conversation and pour their drinks and get them anything from the bar that they want. This girl sat for the rest of the evening stroking the leg and arm of our hero, being very affectionate indeed.
As he sat there wondering how much she hated her job, he flicked through the pages of her phrase book. Unsurprisingly enough it contained the usual phrases and hints about how to get about town, buy food, and find out where the nearest.....whatever is. It also had what to do when you are being mugged. Complete with lines like "Stick em up" and "Give me all your money" and, amazingly, "One move and you die". This book seemed to look after the reader in every circumstance and cover every eventuality.
It seems that 'The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy' is not the fiction that it once seemed. Although currently only available in Korean, this book (if properly marketed) could be an international bestseller for decades to come.
posted by Alanowski @ 1:25 pm
3 Comments:
Well, heavens. If Mr Burnside is just guessing randomly I'll have a pop at the only film I can think of that it might be. Is it Matthew Broderick late 90's film "Election"?
DFP.
Hmmmm, I sense that Mr Burnside is trying to use the rule book to his advantage here. Perhaps as he is too stupid to get it with one guess?
DFP, if you had ever met Burnside I'm sure you would realise quickly that there is nothing 'heavenly' about him.
Still no correct answer, can anyonw get this quote - it's pretty new and a bit of a toughy.
Good luck everyone
Well chaps, Ive just checked the rule book and it turns out that there is nothing stopping women entering the quiz.
Jessica gets a point and moves onto the leaderboard as the first female winner of this game.
A new round in the next 12 hours.
Post a Comment
<< Home