The Amazing Adventures of Alanowski

On and on he goes with his self serving nonsense, "talk about something other than yourself Alan" is heard ringing throughout the internet, but I don't have much else to be talking about so you're getting me me me. It is MY website after all :)

The arrival date was all good, and all the meeting with the teachers seemed to go pretty well. Although they did seem to talk at great length then only offer me short sentences as to what the hell was going on.

That first night was a horrible one: brutally jet lagged and feeling a little over stimulated with all the new stuff that was going on. I lay down to go to sleep, but was completely unable to with all these crazy thoughts flying around my head. Why the hell had I come here? Stupid idea really, I didn't hate my job that much, at least everyone I spoke to could understand what I was saying to them. I dozed off and after about 30 minutes was awoken to a furious knocking on my door. Now we all know how disoriented you can be after just waking up.... try that but being in a new flat, new country, new life, new everything. I stumbled to the door trying to find some clothes to throw on and cover my shame as the knocking got louder and a womans voice was shouting through the door. I managed to open the door to see my new manager standing there and obviously impressed as I stood, bleary eyed, with my t-shirt inside out and shorts back to front.

Her: "Can you come into the school tomorrow morning for an open day for kids and their parents?"

Me: "Hnunga rungle fleurg...... yeah shoor wha' time?"

After a small difficulty with numbers which ended up with a pen and paper being produced to write down my expected arrival time, she was off and I was left to try and get to sleep again. Not an easy task when you sleep in the same room as a fridge but I managed it. Waking up over and over I can remember thinking that I had made a terrible mistake and maybe I could just run off, they'd never catch me. Problem with that plan - How do you get the bus, taxi, plane when you don't even know where you are going? Well you can't so I just watched some Family Guy and went back to sleep.

The next morning was fine, I awoke after 16 hours sleep feeling more tired and headed down to the school to do my bit. The "open" day turned out to be more of a "look at the foreign guy" day. They brought out a big bunch of food for the parents and when no-one was looking I tucked in and filled myself up, it was the first food I'd had in ages so I ate an absolute stack of the kimbap (rice and veg rolled in seaweed). It turned out however that this was only meant as a snack, and 10 minutes later I was told that I was going out with a group of the teachers for some lunch - Damn!! So I'm sitting on the floor in this place while they order on my behalf, hoping that they don't order too much as I'm already stuffed - this was not to be the case. Obviously due to my size they thought that I would eat about the same as, say, a huge bear so they ordered me what must have been everything on the menu. I forced down every last bit thinking that I was going to explode from over eating, now when you finish something here it means that you are still hungry - Damn damn! They started ordering me more when I interjected and told them that I'd had enough, they all looked completely crest fallen as if I hadn't enjoyed what I'd eaten, but I managed to persuade them that it was just that I was full. This persuasion was easier than though when my clothes all burst off me in the style of The Incredible Hulk.